The Truth about Postpartum Intimacy
Let's be honest, childbirth and adjusting to a new baby can be a complete mood killer. Even after the first six weeks, many moms remain not in the mood. Before writing this blog, I decided to read a few other articles on this topic to get some insight. Every post I read stressed the importance of getting back to the romance for the sole purpose of preserving your relationship. Are you serious? Shouldn't your partner be understanding enough to know all that you're going through? I mean, he was there to witness it all. It takes time to heal and rebalance yourself after childbirth my biggest advice is DON'T FORCE IT!
After having a baby your hormones can be all over the place. Some instantly get their sex drive back, some never lose it, and most lose it for a while. What’s important is to understand no matter how your feeling it is completely normal and your not alone.
The Truth About Postpartum Intimacy
EMOTIONALLY CHECKED OUT
Emotionally you are DRAINED! From the moment you lay eyes on your little one, you go into full mommy mode, and it’s important that you stay in mommy mode for the first few weeks to adjust to your new role. This new role comes with an overflow of emotions, and it’s exhausting enough without pressure to get back to intimacy with your partner. You do not want to force yourself into anything you are not comfortable with and your partner should a will learn to understand.
During the phase of trying to get your groove back after birth, it is completely normal if your body and mind are not quite in sync. Do not feel guilty about something you can not control. Eventually, your drive will return. Often times you may feel guilty for “holding out” on your partner or your partner may express their concerns which can lead to guilt as well. It’s important that you clearly communicate your feeling and emotions with your partner this will help them u defat and and may help lead back to intimacy.
Dryness happens due to the decline of hormones your body no longer needs to sustain your pregnancy. The decrease in hormones can cause your private area to be more dry and can make sex uncomfortable. Try natural lubricants like coconut oil to help provide moisture to make things more comfortable.
MILK MILK & MORE MILK
You may feel engorged or very sore from babies latch and this can be very uncomfortable. For breastfeeding moms, it is very normal to experience milk ejaculation during an orgasm. Learned something new today, didn’t you? lol. It is also typical to experience leaking during sex in certain positions. All of this can make you self-conscious. Let’s be real who is in the mood when they aren't feeling very sexy. To help wear your bra while being intimate with your partner and utilize breast pads to help with leaking. Also being intimate after you have emptied your breast will make things more comfortable.
What is sleep to a new mom? The last thing you want to do is exert any more energy then what you already put out, and that’s ok. The only thing you want to do is lay in your bed and SLEEP before a little someone wakes you up in 5 seconds. Getting your rest is important your body heals the most when you are sleeping, and you need all the energy you can muster up. Try to catch naps throughout the day when baby is sleeping and ask your partner for help.
Okay, so the doctor says in 6-12 weeks depending on if you had a vaginal or C-section delivery. However that does not mean you are fully ready to get back to business. Think about it; it took over 9months to have your baby do you think in 6 weeks you're fine. No way! Go with what your body tells you some women are good to go and for most it takes a little longer and both are normal and ok.
NEW BODY, WHO THIS?
After having a baby for most of us The SnapBack isn’t real . Adjusting to your new body especially when it’s completely different from the body your used to have is difficult. This new body can also cause a lack in sex drive. (Insecurities are normal for new moms! don't be to hard on yourself)
What can I (spouse/significant other) do to help?
Don’t ask for sex! It’s simple. Every time you ask it just plays into our guilt and that doesn’t get us in the mood.
HELP! Assist in all the other household task like laundry, cooking, or cleaning.
Be empathetic . We know you have no clue as to what’s going on or how we feel but be understanding to our changes, needs, and desires.
Have patience! This journey is new for us like it’s new for you and we don’t have all the answers right now.
The truth about postpartum intimacy is that it’s a really sucky time for most moms. We need support and encouragement during these weeks as we relearn ourselves and adjust to our parent role.