Why I chose to be a single mother

Single Motherhood. #singlemother #Singlemom #coparenting

Choosing to be a single mother sounds like something no woman would volunteer to be. The thought of “breaking up” your family doesn’t seem like anything a woman would be interested in doing. Therefore, it must have been the man that did it. 

“Well, what did you do for him to leave you?”

Being on social media, you are continually witnessing peoples opinions, ignorance, and offensive remarks.

I am tii-yurdddd. Yes, I am tired of seeing offensive remarks about single mothers and why they are single mothers. People always assume that it was the man that left and now she’s bitter, want him back, blah blah bullshit.

Or  it’s the comments like “you didn’t see that he wasn’t shit before ya’ll had a baby.” NO, SOMETIMES YOU DON’T.

What about the moms like myself? The woman that chose to be a single mother? The ones that LEFT HIM and caused my single mother-ness? You all cannot assume it’s always in the man’s hands to why a woman is a single mother. Or that he was already an “ain't shit man” and she should have seen the signs.

What do you mean you chose? Who would want such a thing?

Most people don’t go into a situation or life aspiring to be a single mother, or father. No woman wants to have a child by a man that will dismiss his responsibilities.

However, things happen.

I realized during my sixth month of pregnancy that this was not the guy I envisioned spending the rest of my life with. In my opinion, we were not compatible. We were from two different walks of life, had different future goals, plans, and outlooks. So I ended it. Even knowing I was going to have to be a single mother to my unborn child.

He wasn’t a bad person, didn’t do bad things, he was pretty active and was there for me throughout my whole pregnancy. Had a job, his own place, no other kids or baby mama drama. Nothing. I just didn’t think we were a good fit.

“I went into motherhood a single mother BY CHOICE.”

I could have stayed and tried the family thing out. I could have waited to get our future minds on track hopefully. I could have stayed for the sake of my child to grow up in a nuclear household, something I didn’t get a chance to experience in my childhood. 

For what?

I am a firm believer in doing what you feel is right and doing what’s best for you and your mental health. I knew that if I were to stay with him that I would only be doing it for the idea of a family. I would be doing it for the child.  What about me? What about my happiness?

In my opinion, I feel like two actively mentally healthy parents are better than two mentally unhealthy parents sticking it out for the sake of the child(ren) and the idea of their “family.”

So when I see those distasteful post about why women are single mothers, or what made the man leave, etc. it really grinds my gears.

Our generation thinks that women will do anything for a family even so much as staying when she’s not appreciated, tolerated or loved correctly.

So when she ends up being a single mother, it was solely from her mistakes of either not being good enough or because she picked a“bad man.”

I am tired of the comments.

I am tired of the bashing.

I am tired of the assumptions.

Stop giving single mothers a bad rep.

Stop assuming the decision of a family is up to a man.

Stop assuming single moms are bitter because “he left her” without knowing the full story.

And lastly just SHUT UP. We’re tired of it.

Thankfully, I found a great man who ended my journey as a single mother. Not only is he great to me but our son and my son that he happily took in as his own. Choosing to be a single mother with my first son was a bittersweet decision, but I am SOOO happy I made it for the sake of my happiness.

Don’t let the comments, stigma or opinions of other people to allow you to be in a relationship you’re not true my happy in “for the child.” Also, ignore the remarks people make. If it don’t apply, let it fly.